Life

This world is not what’s real. What’s real is what we can’t see. All that is around us is not our true reality. Why would we choose to live like is it? We have one opportunity on this earth to live life to the fullest. What is life? We can choose the comfortable route, go with the safe, and go with the familiar, but imagine the opportunity we have to let go of the normal and truly live. I cannot live one day for the American dream. I have under ninety years to embrace Christ on this earth and live the abandoned quest. How could I pass up one moment of the adventure offered to me. Why would I even want to mess with a safe stale life? The schooling, the career, the family, the retirement, the end; this is not the life I choose. I cannot pick and choose, I must deny it all. I choose the adventure. I choose the ridicule and the scorn; it is a comfort to me. I choose to heal the sick and raise the dead; it is my joy. I will live this life abandoned. My past is Christ, my present is Christ, and my future is Christ. The moment I presume to live my own life I’ve missed it. Wake me up, your adventure is my reality.

Um, What?

I have a lot of moments where I'm sitting and wondering, what the heck is next?  I don't want to make the wrong decision and that often turns into fear.  I get afraid that it's not in "God's Will."  So what is God's Will then?  I've gotten tired of people going on and on about God's Will.  We can sit around our entire lives trying to find out what God's will is for our lives and, when we think we've discovered it, try to walk in it.  I have come to the belief that the will of God is to know Him. It says in John 17:3, "Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent."  His will is not necessarily a little of list of things that God has for me to accomplish in my life...His will is for me to know Him, period.  So, how am I supposed to know if what I'm doing is in his will for my life?  I've come to this conclusion.  When I am going through life and I am interacting with the would out of the heart of God, I am walking in His perfect will.  It's about letting my life become a fragrant offering to the Lord.  What does that look like?  It's giving, not taking.  Loving, not hating. Bringing life, not death.  Its about not leading others into compromise.  It's about allowing the very life of God to flow through us in every aspect of our daily lives.  Does God want me to be a musician? Sure, if it brings life.  Does God want me to move to this town?  Sure, if it is to further know him and to spread His love.  We can do whatever we set our hearts to if it is done out the intimate "knowing" of Him. 

Healing

So, I've been sick the last few days.  Whenever I get sick, I think a lot about healing.  Something wonderful came to me today.  When I start to get sick, I put my self in a defensive mode and prepare to battle against it.  I realized that this actually gives value to sickness.  It's me thinking that, "Wow, I need to be ready to kick the crap out of this or its going to kick the crap out of me."  Sickness is not natural in our bodies and it should be utterly rejected.  Fighting it gives importance and puts the ball in our court; rejecting is is walking in Christ's power.  He overcame sickness and we have overcome it through Him.  If I feel that I need to fight against it, I am trying to do something that Jesus already did.  Needless to say, I am feeling way better.

Vision

We have so many visions for the future, but what happens when they don't take place when we think they should? In the past, I've struggled with disappointment when dreams have not come into fruition exactly when I thought they would. The answer to my dilemma was to not hold onto the vision but hold onto Christ. When I hold onto Christ, He becomes my one true vision. I don't need to worry about when my vision will come to pass because my desire is rooted in Christ. He is always present and always active.

A little something.

Closing

a love long waiting
on time's folding streets
with patterns fast gone
hard tokens aside

the young lily walks
a young heart torn
in soft silent sound
floats worlds fallen face

oh daughter come talk
taste love until morn
through darkness you come
in night find thee grace

I'm a dreamer. I like to think big. But what does it take to progress toward those dreams? While at work today, I was thinking about what it means to live a life that is always moving forward. I was talking to my manager about how she could make a complete life change in one year. When the topic of money came up, I jokingly told her that she would have to sell her car (among other things). She immediately burst out, "Oh, I can't sell my car, I have to many memories with it." When she said this I thought about the things that I'm holding onto that are keeping me from change. Don't get me wrong, I'm the kind of person that still holds onto letters from my kiddie days. But, I know that I need to hold everything before the Lord ready to give it up. If I have that heart, I'll be able to move forward. It was a very relevant thought for today.

Around the Corner

It's getting close to my favorite time of year and I feel so impatient. Autumn is just around the corner and the "over 100" temperatures are making me restless. My only consolation is that being in Memphis I'm much closer to New England. I've always wanted to see New England in the Fall.

Updates

I've felt so productive lately! I finally got the Resource part of my website going and have uploaded some content. Right now I have wonderful interview with T.L. Osborn and his grandson, a Misty Edwards video, and audio teachings from various speakers. I hope to have more up soon. Right now I'm working on the Memories CD from the Summer Teen Intensive at IHOP-KC. It's going to the be the best memory CD ever seen on the planet. Ever.

God is alive and with me.

Just looking over the last few weeks there has been a lot of upheaval in my life. I was getting discouraged after this last trip to Asia. Long story short, I ran into some big disappointments while in the Philippines. I had set my heart on being there for a long time but I saw through certain circumstances there that it wasn't possible. When I came home, I got scammed out of $3500 trying to purchase a car. Then, just a week after that, my current car died on me.

I felt a little lost and discouraged. I was being motivated by my circumstances instead of God's heart.

Then God surprised me. While working at the Signs and Wonders children's camp this summer (see pictures), a lady came up and blessed me with $400! I was in tears. She told me that the Lord prompted her to bless me. Then about 4 days ago she called me from out of the blue. She said that she and her husband wanted to give their car to me! Unbelievable! God has been such a kind friend to me. Even when I was walking in the pain of my circumstances, he showed me that it's not about my faithfulness but about his. I know that he is with me, but when I actually feel him speaking to me in a tangible way it's breathtaking.

For me it's like walking through the rocky mountain wilderness of Colorado. When the fresh cool air fills my lungs I feel so alive. That's how his kindness makes me feel.

Back home

Being home after an overseas trip is always a mixed experience. I feel torn between hope and discouragement. Hope, because there is always a new horizon; discouragement, because normal life slows my heart to a crawl. Each time I step off the plane I promise myself that I will keep my heart inspired and alive. It's a hard promise to keep. I think I'm realizing that there needs to be less promises to myself and more thankfulness for what I have before me.

New blog. Lost posts.

Thank you for visiting my blog! In the process of moving everything over from Wordpress I seem to have lost all my posts! I'm trying to fix it but it's not looking good. I apologize to everyone. Come back soon for new posts.