My | Departure

Writing

2008-09-19T23:08:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a while and I'm slowly discovering why. It's going to take time and some tender moments with the Lord. I will be back soon. Much love.

Car Shopping.

2008-08-25T21:49:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I'm not the biggest fan of looking for a new set of wheels. I recently sold my beautiful Jeep Cherokee that the Lord gave to me last year. I would of held onto it but I am a firm believer in living debt free. I have been doing everything possible this summer to eliminate accrued debt from traveling. With the sale of my Jeep, I will be debt free and have some cash left over for a more inexpensive automobile. However, car shopping stressed me out today. I was looking at cars located in San Fransisco, New York, and everywhere in between. How in the world am I to know which one is right? Being a man I enjoy the hunt and the opportunity to conquer things in a manly way. (Note: I do car shop with with a cut of flannel shirt, this is manly). So, I get caught up in the chase for the best deal and that can be a never ending endeavor. It leaves me quite stressed. In the end I've made the decision to just wait on the Lord's blessing. That should be great.

Quote

2008-08-21T08:32:00.001-07:00

"I don't want to fit in, I want to see a revolutionary shift." - Bill Johnson

Today

2008-08-20T20:11:00.000-07:00

I'm getting ready to curl up on the couch and fall asleep. I've been sitting here just praying and setting my heart to rest. It's been a difficult week for me. I've been struggling to find direction now that I've decided to not go back to Memphis. I love to be on the go and adventure is my bread and butter but for now God has me here. I do not have many friends here in Kansas City; I am involved in no community. It's quite lonely at times. I feel as if I'm moving forward by bumping against closed doors instead of having clear direction forward. The only true destination that I am sure of is Christ. I am not discouraged; I cannot afford to be discouraged. He is my everlasting joy, and my great adventure. I will continue to run.

Blogging

2008-08-20T14:15:00.000-07:00

So, I've taken some time to look through my blog postings and I've realized that I don't check them as much as I should before posting. I need to go back to school and learn some writing/proof reading skills.

Confidence.

2008-08-03T10:20:00.000-07:00

I was reading John 2 in The Message today and came across this passage.

"During the time he was in Jerusalem, those days of the Passover Feast, many people noticed the signs he was displaying and, seeing they pointed straight to God, entrusted their lives to him. But Jesus didn't entrust his life to them."

This really hit a good spot in my heart. Jesus did what he did for the father and not for the affirmation of people. He poured blessings on others but only entrusted his life to the father. He loved others but expected nothing in return from them. That is confidence in Father.

Leaving. Again.

2008-08-02T14:36:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I'm sitting in SWF waiting for our flight and am fully of curried viggies, tofu, and rice. It has been an amazing adventure and I had a great encounter with God during the Jesus Culture conference. I didn't get a chance to talk to anyone about the school but I'm going to try calling when i get home. I love traveling, and could definitely live in an airport (as long as I was going somewhere on a regular basis, non of that Tom Hanks business). Get ready, my next adventure is right around the corner.

Redding Day 2

2008-07-30T23:57:00.000-07:00

Tonight was the first night of the Jesus Culture conference here in Redding, CA. My first impressing was interesting. While IHOP conferences are primarily college age, this conference was filled with high school and junior high kids. I'll tell you what, I felt old. That's alright though, God showed up and I was totally blessed. It's only midnight but Bridget's fast asleep and I'm about to do the same myself. Oh, fun side story. Today I headed over to Wal-Mart to pick up some stuff and I drove the white 2007 Mustang that I'm renting over a curb. It's hard to see what's going on over on the passenger side of the car and I guess I didn't see the curb coming. I had a moment of panic and pictured my self working the rest of my life to pay for it's repair. Fortunately nothing was damaged. I just have to keep telling myself, "Ben, this is a sports car, not your Jeep. You can't just run over anything you want to just for fun." Goodnight all!

Jesus Culture

2008-07-28T22:13:00.000-07:00

It's 12:15 am and I'm leaving in a few hours for Redding, CA. Bridget and I are going to the Jesus Culture conference and I'm stoked. My heart is ready for some good impact! Were going to be staying in a yurt (check wiki for this one) for three days in the beautiful mountains. I'm not sure if we'll have internet so I'll be updating via Twitter.

Parting Reflections

2008-06-18T23:44:00.000-07:00

On the last evening light in the heart of the wilderness, I cry. My heart is one with the mist filled valleys and the clouds that rise.
Alone. Secluded. Vast. Uncharted. Alone. These are words that light the way into the unknown; they are words that kindle. I am sorry to leave this place of rebirth. For a time I have walked and breathed in a world untamed. The years of charted ways that paint their colors on this wild frame seem to melt away in the rays of this last frontier. The vast unknown, covered in light of the midnight sun, beckons and heartens the adventure within. In this place my being finds kindred song. I will return, for through I leave, my heart remains amid the mountains and forests of this beauty known as, Alaska.

Mornings

2008-03-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

For the past few weeks I've been attempting to switch over to being a morning person. As you can see from my last bog, I happen to love mornings. My goal is to be up by 6:00 or 6:30 and so far I've been doing well. However, I still haven't been able to let go of staying up late to study. Now I'm stuck in a cycle of staying up late and getting up early. I'm not sure its been a healthy switch!

Waiting For The Dawn

2008-02-27T23:55:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting at my desk writing. It's 2 in the morning and I can feel the breath of God on my tired soul. I'm waiting for the dawn. There is something about its arrival that delights me. It's new, and His mercies are new every morning. As I wait, I find myself falling in love with God.

In the stillness of the night, lift my heart in eternal flight

As I await the morning's dawn, Lord teach my lips to sing your song

Life

2007-12-28T08:07:00.000-08:00

This world is not what’s real. What’s real is what we can’t see. All that is around us is not our true reality. Why would we choose to live like is it? We have one opportunity on this earth to live life to the fullest. What is life? We can choose the comfortable route, go with the safe, and go with the familiar, but imagine the opportunity we have to let go of the normal and truly live. I cannot live one day for the American dream. I have under ninety years to embrace Christ on this earth and live the abandoned quest. How could I pass up one moment of the adventure offered to me. Why would I even want to mess with a safe stale life? The schooling, the career, the family, the retirement, the end; this is not the life I choose. I cannot pick and choose, I must deny it all. I choose the adventure. I choose the ridicule and the scorn; it is a comfort to me. I choose to heal the sick and raise the dead; it is my joy. I will live this life abandoned. My past is Christ, my present is Christ, and my future is Christ. The moment I presume to live my own life I’ve missed it. Wake me up, your adventure is my reality.

Um, What?

2007-11-28T14:53:00.000-08:00

I have a lot of moments where I'm sitting and wondering, what the heck is next? I don't want to make the wrong decision and that often turns into fear. I get afraid that it's not in "God's Will." So what is God's Will then? I've gotten tired of people going on and on about God's Will. We can sit around our entire lives trying to find out what God's will is for our lives and, when we think we've discovered it, try to walk in it. I have come to the belief that the will of God is to know Him. It says in John 17:3, "Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." His will is not necessarily a little of list of things that God has for me to accomplish in my life...His will is for me to know Him, period. So, how am I supposed to know if what I'm doing is in his will for my life? I've come to this conclusion. When I am going through life and I am interacting with the would out of the heart of God, I am walking in His perfect will. It's about letting my life become a fragrant offering to the Lord. What does that look like? It's giving, not taking. Loving, not hating. Bringing life, not death. Its about not leading others into compromise. It's about allowing the very life of God to flow through us in every aspect of our daily lives. Does God want me to be a musician? Sure, if it brings life. Does God want me to move to this town? Sure, if it is to further know him and to spread His love. We can do whatever we set our hearts to if it is done out the intimate "knowing" of Him.

Healing

2007-11-28T14:24:00.000-08:00

So, I've been sick the last few days. Whenever I get sick, I think a lot about healing. Something wonderful came to me today. When I start to get sick, I put my self in a defensive mode and prepare to battle against it. I realized that this actually gives value to sickness. It's me thinking that, "Wow, I need to be ready to kick the crap out of this or its going to kick the crap out of me." Sickness is not natural in our bodies and it should be utterly rejected. Fighting it gives importance and puts the ball in our court; rejecting is is walking in Christ's power. He overcame sickness and we have overcome it through Him. If I feel that I need to fight against it, I am trying to do something that Jesus already did. Needless to say, I am feeling way better.

Vision

2007-10-08T00:21:00.000-07:00

We have so many visions for the future, but what happens when they don't take place when we think they should? In the past, I've struggled with disappointment when dreams have not come into fruition exactly when I thought they would. The answer to my dilemma was to not hold onto the vision but hold onto Christ. When I hold onto Christ, He becomes my one true vision. I don't need to worry about when my vision will come to pass because my desire is rooted in Christ. He is always present and always active.

A little something.

2007-10-08T00:04:00.000-07:00

Closing

a love long waiting
on time's folding streets
with patterns fast gone
hard tokens aside

the young lily walks
a young heart torn
in soft silent sound
floats worlds fallen face

oh daughter come talk
taste love until morn
through darkness you come
in night find thee grace

2007-09-24T22:13:00.000-07:00

I'm a dreamer. I like to think big. But what does it take to progress toward those dreams? While at work today, I was thinking about what it means to live a life that is always moving forward. I was talking to my manager about how she could make a complete life change in one year. When the topic of money came up, I jokingly told her that she would have to sell her car (among other things). She immediately burst out, "Oh, I can't sell my car, I have to many memories with it." When she said this I thought about the things that I'm holding onto that are keeping me from change. Don't get me wrong, I'm the kind of person that still holds onto letters from my kiddie days. But, I know that I need to hold everything before the Lord ready to give it up. If I have that heart, I'll be able to move forward. It was a very relevant thought for today.

Around the Corner

2007-08-21T18:44:00.001-07:00

It's getting close to my favorite time of year and I feel so impatient. Autumn is just around the corner and the "over 100" temperatures are making me restless. My only consolation is that being in Memphis I'm much closer to New England. I've always wanted to see New England in the Fall.

Updates

2007-07-01T21:53:00.000-07:00

I've felt so productive lately! I finally got the Resource part of my website going and have uploaded some content. Right now I have wonderful interview with T.L. Osborn and his grandson, a Misty Edwards video, and audio teachings from various speakers. I hope to have more up soon. Right now I'm working on the Memories CD from the Summer Teen Intensive at IHOP-KC. It's going to the be the best memory CD ever seen on the planet. Ever.

God is alive and with me.

2007-06-29T19:05:00.000-07:00

Just looking over the last few weeks there has been a lot of upheaval in my life. I was getting discouraged after this last trip to Asia. Long story short, I ran into some big disappointments while in the Philippines. I had set my heart on being there for a long time but I saw through certain circumstances there that it wasn't possible. When I came home, I got scammed out of $3500 trying to purchase a car. Then, just a week after that, my current car died on me.

I felt a little lost and discouraged. I was being motivated by my circumstances instead of God's heart.

Then God surprised me. While working at the Signs and Wonders children's camp this summer (see pictures), a lady came up and blessed me with $400! I was in tears. She told me that the Lord prompted her to bless me. Then about 4 days ago she called me from out of the blue. She said that she and her husband wanted to give their car to me! Unbelievable! God has been such a kind friend to me. Even when I was walking in the pain of my circumstances, he showed me that it's not about my faithfulness but about his. I know that he is with me, but when I actually feel him speaking to me in a tangible way it's breathtaking.

For me it's like walking through the rocky mountain wilderness of Colorado. When the fresh cool air fills my lungs I feel so alive. That's how his kindness makes me feel.

Back home

2007-05-19T19:51:00.000-07:00

Being home after an overseas trip is always a mixed experience. I feel torn between hope and discouragement. Hope, because there is always a new horizon; discouragement, because normal life slows my heart to a crawl. Each time I step off the plane I promise myself that I will keep my heart inspired and alive. It's a hard promise to keep. I think I'm realizing that there needs to be less promises to myself and more thankfulness for what I have before me.

New blog. Lost posts.

2007-05-19T09:41:00.001-07:00

Thank you for visiting my blog! In the process of moving everything over from Wordpress I seem to have lost all my posts! I'm trying to fix it but it's not looking good. I apologize to everyone. Come back soon for new posts.